Happy Tuesday — Mixing it up with some different days and times for the next several weeks as I experiment as to writing and rhythm and open rates. Thank you for your understanding and patience since writing on a regular basis is certainly a new endeavor for me. Keep going strong just like Tom Brady (GOAT). Thanks for your support and readership! Stephen
THIS WEEK’S ESSAY:
When people ask me where I grew up, my standard answer is Allentown/Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Technically, I grew up in Lehigh Valley, but that is more of an area versus a town or city, and many don’t even know of its specific whereabouts. Usually when I say “Allentown,” someone either knows that it is north of Philadelphia or enjoyed the popular song “Allentown” by Billy Joel.
My usual response would be “no, I am not an Eagles fan,” and I didn’t grow up “filling out forms, standing in line” or never did I get the “American flag thrown in my face” as Billy’s ode to blue collar towns described. But with that said, one thing was true, and that I was a big fan of Billy Joel. Growing up in the late 70s, what person didn’t sing along to “Only the Good Die Young,” or imagine sitting at a red and white checkered table living out the “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” and sharing the ups and downs of the soap opera lives of Brenda and Eddie. The “Piano Man” was a staple in my later drinking years in college as I seem to close each night with that song at my regular drinking joints reminding myself that in some ways we all were sharing the drink of loneliness with each other but it was better than drinking alone.
But as I started to get into the “B” sides of Billy Joel’s song list, a number of other songs and their dark and meaningful lyrics stood out. Songs like “Vienna” or “Summer Highland Falls” spoke to me more as poetry than popular music but there was one that presented more truth than fantasy and was the real thing.
From the deliberate notes of the piano melody and haunting like whistled introduction the “Stranger” enters. With the dramatic joining of the band, one is thrown into a chaotic and unsure mind. The Stranger is going to have his say about himself and others around him.
Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin, some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of a stranger
But we'd love to try them on
While the protagonist is acknowledging not just his own masks that he wears, he is troubled by his lover surprisingly revealing her own masks and shadows. The chorus (as if it was his inner voice) gently reminds him that he himself has hid himself to others, and how he shouldn’t be surprised when it is done to him with a hopeful note that he should try to understand and not be afraid. He reminds himself that he may not understand the mystery of the Stranger, or how it is inspired, but he acknowledges that it is not always evil and its not always wrong and despite our best intentions to squelch these masks, the Stranger never goes away. He (or she) is a part of us. The original piano and eerie whistled prelude re-enters the space as the music slowly fades.
We all wear many masks. That fact is even more apparent today with our need to wear physical masks (in different colors and styles) given the pandemic. Some of our invisible masks are relegated in a moment of time during our lives while others masks are reflections of those around us or the role that we are assuming.
I am no different than most and have worn my fair share of masks. I still do. Some reflecting my positive qualities and some revealing my own shadows. As sung in “the Stranger,” they are not always evil or wrong but simply a part of me.
While we developed some of our masks as a part of our own survival both physically and psychologically, often we put on our masks because we are afraid or seek acceptance from others. Afraid to allow people to see our true selves and subject ourselves to their judgment. Our inner critic is typically leading the loud chorus of questions in our head. “What will they think of me?” “Will they still like or love me?” “What if they find out that I am not perfect or do not know everything I am suppose to know?” The inner critic’s questions can go on, and on, and on until we are in that rabbit’s hole of self doubt. We become overcome with our ego and the expectations that we have built for ourselves… brick by brick. These masks serve as our protector but unfortunately create the conditions for disconnection and stifle our vulnerability.
As the well known researcher, author and speaker Brene Brown reminds us, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” Unfortunately, by wearing multiple masks, our vulnerability never has a chance to come through and diminishes our ability to truly establish deep and meaningful connections. The vast majority of us are going through life literally faking it until we make it. Then one day we have no choice but show our true selves to the ones we care about, and the Stranger takes center stage, leaving us and those in our lives confused and often hurt. In response, we apologize and instinctively put on our masks once again to avoid the pain, and the vicious cycle continues. Does this sound or feel familiar to you? It certainly does for me.
I myself am still learning to leave my masks behind and step into my vulnerability. It is a difficult space to navigate but I have realized it is the only way. The only way to be respected, liked and loved for the person I really am. I continue to learn that I no longer need to appear or behave a certain way to establish or have others validate my own worth. It is a process rooted in self-discovery and trust. Perhaps this is why this essay was more difficult for me to write than most since it is putting my own vulnerability to the test. Facing and looking at my own version of “the Stranger” and my attempts to “quench the fire” continues to be an uncomfortable but necessary exercise in my personal growth, but I am reminded to “try again” and not to “be afraid.”
Thanks Billy for such wisdom.
Thought: What masks do you wear often and why do you wear them?
To Do: Write down a time when you weren’t wearing a mask and how did it make you feel?
QUICK HITS:
Spirit: Lifehacks by Rumi. Clement Bourcart, writing at Medium, offers 5 wonderful verses from Rumi’s legendary poetry and how they can enhance one’s life. I especially enjoyed “Laugh as much as you breath. Love as long as you live.”
Mind: Breathing is Fundamental. Cory Firth reminds us and provides a wonderful overview of how breathing is a natural supplement to alter the quality and state of our mind. I practice HRV training and it provides a noticeable difference afterwards.
Emotions: Stress and COVID 19 Vaccines Don’t Mix. In a study put out by Ohio State University, researchers found that elevated levels of stress can impact the effectiveness of the development of anti-bodies from the COVID-19 vaccines. So along with wearing your masks, washing your hands and social distancing, don’t forget to exercise, meditate, get enough sleep, eat healthy, and seek professional help if necessary.
Body: Forget the treadmill and pick up those dumbells! Being the age that I am, I value strength training over every other form of exercise. If you don’t use it, you will lose it and certainly strength falls into that category. As Dr. Roger Fielding, a researcher with Tufts University, tells us, “maintaining our strength is essential for healthy aging.”
WEEKLY RECOMMENDATION:
I am currently taking a 60-day class on MindValley, which is an online provider of educational content for personal growth and development. While the courses are fee based, they are usually done with a high level of professional quality and virtual access. Marketed as “Quests,” MindValley offers a wide range of programs, taught by well known teachers and authors, dealing with spirituality, entrepreneurship, finances, relationships and more. If this is of interest for you, you should check it out and look for certain promotional sales for their paid courses as well as free courses that they offer from time to time.
Thought: What was the last online course that you took? What value did you get from it?
Until next week, stay strong, stay resilient, and remember that being present and loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and others. See you down the “road.” All feedback, comments, and suggestions are of course welcomed.
I would greatly appreciate it if you could share the Knowing Road with two friends (or more), just like a smile, it won’t cost you a thing! Thank you to all of our new subscribers.
I first heard summer highland falls on BJs songs in the attic album. I think it is his most beautiful and knowing song. He spoke about it in a Howard Stern interview and it resonates even more so.