The Importance of Surrendering
Issue No. 8 of the Knowing Road
Happy Friday Everyone, This week’s issue explores the importance and common misunderstanding with surrendering to find inner peace. As the pandemic continues with new lockdowns and a rise in variant cases, our collective resilience tank seems to be running low. Hopefully by looking elsewhere other than our often conflicting thoughts and feelings, we can reacquaint ourselves with the power of our inner wisdom. Have a wonderful and blessed Easter Weekend which serves as a wonderful reminder of the power of re-birth (regardless of our specific spiritual beliefs) that we each hold within. Be well! — Stephen
WEEKLY ESSAY:
“Don't look for peace. Don't look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender” —Eckart Tolle
Throughout our lives we are in a constant state of either forcing or resisting. Forcing our desires or wants and putting forth our energy and efforts to achieve them. We try in earnest to out-think or out-smart our circumstances or problems relying on our intellect as if its the sole source of truth when its far from it. A research study conducted last year showed that we experience on average 6,200 thoughts per day. That is a lot of so called truth to discern in real time all through the filter of our perceptions and hard wired patterns.
On the other side of our inner house, another conflict is going on at the same time. Instead of dealing with our intellect, it is our emotions that can wreak havoc on our present lives. Holding in our fears, anger, or disappointment to avoid conflict. Subduing our laughter or joy maybe because we don’t feel we deserve it or how we will be judged by others. Or most of all, restraining ourselves from expressing our love so that we don’t have to emotionally risk having our heart hurt by another (as our intellect tries to warn us under the false guise of protection and survival).
Who should we listen to when our mind is telling us one thing, but our heart is telling us another? It is a contrary push and pull that can knock anyone off their center.
It is not an easy question, and for some, their analytical mind may be more dominant than their emotional side or vice versa. I am, for example, known as a Blue-Green according to the True Colors personality test which along with my value in connecting with others as a Blue, I place an emphasis on my analytical mind and problem solving skills. I like to view personality tests, such as Myers Briggs, as helping me identify and explore my “default mode.” Its not my only way that I interact with the world, but it is the filter I most easily revert to. You can’t really be effective in re-arranging the furniture in the room if the lights are off and you are standing in the dark. Assessments like True Colors has helped me turn on the lights in becoming more self-aware.
When faced with that inner battle between our intellect and emotions, the secret is to surrender. Surrender to the fears. Surrender to the concerns. Surrender to the uncertainty. Trust that everything will be ok, since it always has been ok. Trust that whatever the outcome is, it is just another point along your path. Trust yourself. Trust your intuition. Trust that the eventual outcome is what is right for you. Even when the outcome did not work out as you expected, hoped or predicted, there is value in the effort, the struggle, and the lessons. Your energy has not been wasted since you are constantly changing in every way even down to your cellular level. We are in a continuous flux of death and re-birth.
Such a changing life is not a pure linear path. Instead, it is an incremental longitudinal journey of ups and downs at best. Ever take a look at a stock chart? Now look at the one day chart, and then zoom back and look at it for the past week, and look at the thirty day view, and then the one year view, and then the five year view…it is quite different. In the present moment, it appears extremely volatile or gives the perception that what is real, actually isn’t. Again, perspective is everything.
Only when you surrender and trust, can you allow the energy of the universe to flow free. If you are one who believes in “manifesting”…this is essential to remove the blocks that we create with our minds and emotions so that we can talk freely with and listen to our intuition.
In our information overloaded day-to-day lives, we simply don’t listen to our intuition anymore. We analyze everything…(some like me, more than most) trying to achieve optimal decision making. Trying to avoid making a mistake. Trying to increase the odds that our so called prediction made by our intellect of what the future holds will be correct. We are all gamblers in life under the illusion of control.
What if you never said “no” to life, and instead said “yes” to life and everything that came your way (even your struggles)? Letting go of the attachment to a preferred outcome which establishes an internal binary expectation of “success or fail” or “good or bad.” Such constant expectations are at the heart of our suffering. The well known author Michael Singer explored this type of life in his acclaimed book The Surrender Experiment. In his book, he wrote:
“Time and again I was seeing that if I could handle the winds of the current storm, they would end up blowing in some great gift…Challenging situations create the force needed to bring about change. The problem is that we generally use all the stirred up energy intended to bring about change, to resist change.”
Our challenges are indeed our gifts if we don’t resist them. I myself realize that my past personal struggles and challenges were necessary for my growth, and now look at them with sense of gratitude versus regret.
In looking at the importance of surrendering, it is equally important to understand what surrender isn’t. Its not giving up. Instead, think of it as “entrusting” your thoughts and emotions to your inner wisdom. Some call it your Spirit, some call it God, some call it Source, and some call it your intuition, instincts or sixth sense. No matter the name you choose, by surrendering (or entrusting) your challenges to your higher self, with a sense of gratitude, life has an amazing way of revealing what you are in need of now for you are exactly where you should be.
As quoted by Eckart Tolle, to accept your moments of un-peace allows you to walk into a space of inner peace. Resisting or forcing anything in your life may feel like evidence of self determination or strength but to be truly courageous, surrendering and leading with trust in yourself, others and the universe is the key in reducing your suffering. It is indeed the miracle (and power) of surrender.
May you all be well, without pain and suffering, and be at peace and at ease.
QUICK HITS:
Your Procrastination is Not a Time Management Problem. Researchers have revealed that the reason for us delaying in doing certain tasks is not due to poor time management but as way of us avoiding negative emotions that we associate with such tasks. If we soften our attachments to such emotions we can free ourselves to move forward in small steps.
Focusing is Hard Work. Dr. Srini Pillay, a psychiatrist and the author of Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind provides us six tips to give our hard working brains some much needed time off. I enjoyed the tip to take the time to intentionally day dream and allow myself to enjoy a sunny beach or beautiful walk around a mountainous landscape.
Stand Up Tall. Being tall, my proud Korean Mom would consistently remind me to “stand tall, head up.” Unfortunately, I often have a forward tilt and improving my posture has been a point of emphasis for me. Allison Torres Burtka writing for Insider suggests some simple exercises to help all of us stand a little taller (and prouder).
WEEKLY RECOMMENDATION:
Hoffman Institute Virtual Conference. Since its founding in 1972, The Hoffman Institute Foundation has been at heart of assisting those desiring to experience personal transformation. Through their unique experiential educational programs, participants learn how to transform their counterproductive beliefs, perceptions, and emotional patterns that are limiting their lives. As a result, one is taught to live a more free, open, loving, spontaneous, joyous, creative, balanced, and whole life. As mentioned before, I am a grateful graduate of the Process. Starting today and through tomorrow, the Hoffman Institute is producing its very first virtual conference. Attendance is open to all. If you are interested in making a serious change in your life, you may want participate in the conference (the sessions are recorded for later viewing if you can’t attend the live sessions) or explore Hoffman’s other wonderful programs.
Until the next issue, be happy and well. All feedback, comments, and suggestions are always welcomed and encouraged.
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