Happy Friday— Thanks for reading the first issue of the Knowing Road. Despite the turmoil swirling all around us (a global pandemic and the political uprising here in the U.S.), its always positive to have some time to focus inward. Have a great holiday weekend! - - Stephen
ON MY MIND:
Finding the Hero Within Myself
(Reading Time: 6 min.)
Photo by Lena Rose on Unsplash
Growing up, I was always fascinated by comic books. Every few weeks, I would hop in the car with my family as we would travel down Route 309 to visit Q-Mart, the local indoor market, to discover what interesting things we could find. The market was housed in an unassuming long and narrow concrete block building in Quakertown, Pennsylvania, a small town 50 miles north of Philadelphia.
There was no grand entrance adorned with glass and marble floors that you can find in the indoor malls of today. Instead, you simply walked through a set of solid gray metal double doors and stepped on a concrete walkway. With the long fluorescent tubes of light beaming down from the open framed ceiling, “Philadelphia Freedom” often echoed over the loud speakers with the occasional announcements for the day. It was 1977 in all of its youthful glory.
Within those musty walls, I would experience the varied sites, smells and sounds of an array of merchants seeking my attention for their retail intentions. Whether it was the local farmer selling their recent harvest of vegetables, or the furniture maker displaying the wooden rewards of his labor, they all fascinated me, but it was one area of the market that I always gravitated to, and that was the “store” (more of a cornered off space) that sold comic books.
In a way it was a place that expressed the human spirit and the gift of story telling. While the other “stores" sold those things necessary for life such as clothing, food, and housewares, my favorite store offered stories. Stories of the heart, stories of fantasy, stories of glory, stories of love, stories of heartbreak, stories of the human experience as told in books and music.
While the other “stores" sold those things necessary for life such as clothing, food, and housewares, my favorite store offered stories.
With an oversized poster of Bruce Lee fiercely standing at the ready to take on all comers intensely watching over me, it was there where I would go to the long table filled with comic books and begin to flip through them all to see what called to me. The thought of superheroes engaged in the battle of good versus evil here on earth or other worldly places far far away captured my young imagination. What kid didn’t want to run at supersonic speed like the Flash, fearlessly battle criminals on the rooftops of Hell’s Kitchen like Daredevil, or a serve as member of the Avengers saving the world from galactic harm.
But as I became more immersed in this world, my interest was always peaked by their “origin stories." How did they come to be? How did Clark Kent become Superman? How did Tony Stark become Ironman? How did they come to possess their powers? Who were they before? What did they do or overcome to become heroic?
Little did I know that it was my first introduction to the “hero’s journey.” The academic and famed mythologist Joseph Campbell who originally created the concept of the monomyth, once said of the “hero’s journey”:
“The journey of the hero is about the courage to seek the depths; the image of creative rebirth; the eternal cycle of change within us; the uncanny discovery that the seeker is the mystery which the seeker seeks to know…”
In the end the goal for the Knowing Road is to assist all of us in realizing that we are the mystery that we are seeking to know. We are the hero of the story of our own making. I am certainly still seeking, learning, and growing to understand myself. To be mindful of viewing this lifetime and my experiences in it as my own “hero’s journey.” And in doing so, to sum up the courage to face my difficult truths, and step into my own “dark cave” as many heroes before me (real and based in myth) to do battle with my own fears, and hopefully come out transformed and transcended.
“We are the hero of the story of our own making.”
I admittedly don’t have the answers to all of the existential questions human kind has been asking for centuries. I am not sure I ever will, but I persist to unfold that mystery despite its difficulty and pain. For all accounts, I am a lucky man. Blessed in many ways, but one man’s castle can be viewed over time as a prison by its own occupant. I have suffered in my personal and professional setbacks and disappointments as we all do.
My “failures” culminated with the end of marriage with the realization how lost I was. How I forgot who I am. How misaligned I was with my truth. Despite the best of loving intentions of “happily ever after,” I reached the conclusion that my marriage was disconnected beyond repair and the longstanding harm was getting passed onto to my children.
If anyone has ever been in that unfortunate place, you quickly realize how painful and sad it can be, until the pain becomes simply unbearable, and there is no choice but to raise your white flag, drop to your knees, and surrender. I could no longer continue as the person that I had become. It was the most heartbreaking decision in my life.
With my marriage effectively ending, I hoped the light would start to seep back into my life, but it didn’t. Instead, I unwittingly entered into a personal darkness to only see my true distorted reflection and not knowing who I was looking at any longer. There was (as there always is when a family dismantles) collateral damage to my health, my finances, my sense of home, and most importantly with the relationship with my children who I love and adore beyond compare. I owed it to them (and to myself) to find me again. It was at that moment that I needed to change no matter how hard and painful it was going to be, and I realized that it was up to me to take responsibility for my own happiness and inner peace, and that started and ended with myself.
From there I went into deep contemplation as to the source of my suffering, my past childhood traumas and wounds (real and perceived), reading and learning from others, and benefiting from the teachings and practices learned at the Hoffman Institute. I began to put my knowledge into practice, and slowly started to understand and release my deep rooted patterns of shame and guilt that I never realized the extent of their hold and control over me and replaced them with a presence of forgiveness and compassion. Forgiveness toward those who wounded me, while affording compassion toward myself for how I hurt and disappointed myself, my wife, my children and others as a result of such negative patterns. It was all part of my path along my own Knowing Road.
I continue on that road to this day, and it is a deliberate process, a daily practice that I have adopted and adapted to my life. I am far from being free from my suffering, but I am at a place in this lifetime where I have a greater intimate knowing of myself, my truth and my place in the world and the universe. That in of itself has given me comfort.
It is my hope that you as a reader of the Knowing Road may benefit from my experience, my stories, and the thoughts and information I discover and share, and will join me along this journey of continued self discovery. That is the purpose of the Knowing Road to assist the seeker in all of us in understanding the mystery of ourselves. Welcome. So what is your hero’s journey?
QUICK HITS:
Your Spirit: What is your flavor of spirituality? Vanilla or Chocolate?
“Spirituality offers a worldview that suggests there is more to life than just what people experience on a sensory and physical level.” Elizabeth Scott reminds us in this article from VeryWell Mind that spirituality certainly comes in many forms, paths and purposes. For some their spirituality affords them with a greater sense of purpose or meaning in their lives. For another, it may be a source of emotional strength and resilience to cope with the challenges of daily stress. Whatever the motivation, it is all beneficial with actual research confirming the tangible benefits such as improved physical and mental health, and the management of stress to name a few. How have you incorporated spirituality in your life?
Your Mind: From “Tiger King” to Meditation, Netflix is our source for everything
It is obviously clear that Netflix was our source of entertainment during our own “quarantines” and “lockdowns” during the pandemic. Where else could we learn about the underground and scandalous industry of exotic animal petting zoos. But with such mindless content allowing us to escape from our own dramas (which likely made us all feel better for our own lives), Netflix released this month an 8 episode documentary on Meditation. It is brought to you by the widely popular meditation app “Headspace” but for those interested in exploring the benefits of meditation or for current meditators, it may be a useful respite from our current chaotic world. Oh by the way, yes, I believe that Carol Baskin was behind the mysterious disappearance of her former husband! If you used to meditate but have stopped, have you asked yourself why?
Your Emotions: Two trains leave at the same time, one from Chicago and the other from Los Angeles…
Do you remember Algebra word problems and thinking to yourself when will I ever need to apply this knowledge in my future life? To me, emotional intelligence is another example of how we are never really taught what really matters in life. Emotional intelligence is “how well individuals can manage their own emotions and react to the emotions of others.” Eric Ravenscraft (A+ on having the best last name by the way), writing for Lifehacker, takes us through some of the fundamentals of what emotional intelligence is and how we can develop and practice it. Just like everything else it starts with understanding ourselves. What are your most common emotional triggers?
Your Body: Sleeping with the Enemy… my phone
This past year, I really focused on improving my sleep. If you are interested in this more, I highly recommend that you read “Why We Sleep,” the New York Times Bestseller by Matthew Walker who goes into the actual science behind the importance of sleep for our total health. But is physical sleep the only rest we need? Well, Dr. Sandra Dalton-Smith, reminds us that we need additional types of rest than just physical rest. She identifies six others types of rest consisting of mental, sensory, creative, social, emotional and spiritual. Given the bombardment and immersion in our laptops and smart phones all day with the constant vibrating or pings and dings as they fire off another dopamine hit in my body, I am feeling a little exhausted by just thinking about it. A periodic rest from my electronics may be in order. Where are you in need of more rest?
Weekly Recommendation: Hello Newman…
Jerry Seinfeld was recently on the Tim Ferriss podcast where he shared his systems and routines that he has relied on for years that he attributes to his success. Some great insight from one of the most prolific comedic minds of our generation, including his views in the effort and meticulous detail necessary to create and refine his material. One quote that really stood out to me was when Jerry was recalling when he was asked to talk to a room of aspiring comics as part of a comedy course. He went up stage and said:
“The fact that you have even signed up for this class is a very bad sign for what you’re trying to do. The fact that you think anyone can help you or there’s anything that you need to learn, you have gone off on a bad track because nobody knows anything about any of this. And if you want to do it, what I really should do is I should have a giant flag behind me that I would pull a string and it would roll down, and on the flag would just say two words: just work.”
So there you go, in the end, if we really want to know what we need to learn, we are all left to figure it out by putting in the work. Serenity Now! What was your favorite episode from Seinfeld?
Until next week, stay strong, stay resilient, and remember that you are loved, loveable and loving. See you down the road. All feedback, comments, and suggestions are of course welcomed!
I would greatly appreciate it if you could share the Knowing Road with two friends (or more), just like a smile, it won’t cost you a thing! Thank you!
Amazing insight and vulnerability! Thank you for starting this and I can't wait for the next week!
Carrying the baggage of 'weak' men in both the paternal and maternal lineages, which expressed itself in violence, addiction, physical or mental absence and resulted in women covering for both parts and acting 'strong' at the expense of their femininity, I made it a priority this year to re-write my narrative of men being unreliable, not trustworthy and abusive.
I am aware of the transgenerational transmission of trauma, I own my parts and I have finally made a conscious decision to put my focus and energy on men, both in the virtual and in the physical world, who show up, speak their truth and do their inner work. Which requires me to show up, speak my truth and do my inner work first!
Knowing that it is for my integrity and for the well-being of my beautiful children to re-store my trust in men and cut the ambilical court to a narrative that lasted for generations and caused a lot of confusion, conflict and trauma on either side. Thank you for sharing your journey!